Love is one of the highest-impact subjects you can teach. Fortunately, it’s also one of the easiest to broach.

If you’re tempted to open up a discussion of romantic relationships with “no dating until you’re 30!,” you wouldn’t be alone or entirely misguided. Throughout history, conventional wisdom held that fathers should teach their daughters about the perils of love, stop their potential ravishers at the door, and avenge their heartbreaks.

While your role has evolved, and dad jokes about scaring dates away are far past their prime, there are some real dangers you want to address. Identifying these risks can help your daughter recognize any potentially harmful patterns in her relationships and help her avoid or address them early on:

Some of these building blocks may seem obvious, but you can’t take for granted that your daughter will figure them out easily. Telling her the basics can make a positive difference, saving her time and limiting confusion and heartache. Here are some characteristics of good relationships:

Discussion of potential red flags also has an important place in this conversation. Here are some concerning signs your daughter should be aware of:

Explain that for a lot of reasons, it might feel to your daughter like she is the only one not in a relationship. It’s easy to focus on what others have. A lot of movies depicting life in middle and high school focus on a love story, which makes it seem like having a relationship in your teens is something that needs to happen or should always happen. And romantic relationships are glorified and depicted in the music girls listen to and the Netflix shows they binge. Since our culture places so much value on relationships, it makes total sense she may feel like the only single person at one time or another.

Make sure she knows that most people have their first relationships after high school, and that relationships don’t always happen on our timelines. Relationships are about connecting with the right person at the right time. And make sure she realizes that lots of people have the moment she is having, where they feel like they are the only one without a significant other. Her time to be with someone will happen, and it will be worth the wait.

With this approach, you are making her feel heard, honoring her feelings, and reassuring her, while also offering her facts to back up a different point of view. She may not be in the mood to consider her situation from a different perspective, but she may come back to it later.

This is another common question for girls. Mention that relationships begin in all different ways. Help her see the benefit in spending time with people who make her happy, and who make her feel relaxed and confident. Sometimes, girls focus on crushes who don’t have the same feelings or who are interested in other people. Encourage your daughter to really pay attention in these moments, noticing whether certain crushes and relationships actually make her happy. Explain that you can’t always choose the way you feel or who you are attracted to, but you always have the ability to change your focus to the people you feel comfortable around and who value you.

The topic of love and relationships comes up in a song, TV show, or movie. Ask:

Your daughter and her friends are talking about crushes and/or significant others in your presence. Later on, ask:

Your daughter is in a relationship that seems positive. Ask:

When it comes to teaching your daughter to recognize healthy relationships and incorporate healthy relationship strategies, the example you set is paramount. You don’t have to be perfect, but whenever possible, model the habits you hope your daughter will form, even in trying times. Show her what it means to treat loved ones with respect and resolve conflicts in caring ways. If you have a romantic partner, be mindful of cultivating healthy relationship dynamics together. Your daughter will notice and develop expectations for her relationships based in great part on your actions and behaviors.

Adapted excerpt published with permission from Talk with Her: A Dad's Essential Guide to Raising Healthy, Confident, and Capable Daughters by Kimberly Wolf, M.Ed.