Most relationships are founded on a curious fantasy: that you can be happy in a couple when you weren't happy alone. It doesn't add up, and it never works out. Instead of growing in happiness, we magnify each other's insecurities.
The only solution is to become so secure in yourself that you don't need another person to feel whole — then you can love unconditionally. Here's how I did it.
I was the classic hopeless romantic for the first half of my adulthood. I was depressed without a girlfriend, ecstatic with one — for the first month — and then increasingly miserable until the inevitable split. I unconsciously used women for the fulfillment I hadn't given myself, and I repeated the process until I was borderline suicidal.
After breaking up with my last live-in girlfriend, I hit rock bottom: depression, despair, and desolation. The pain was unbearable, so I made the radical decision to stay single until I was happy with me. I needed to break the cycle before it broke me for good.
By focusing on my single self over the past few years, I've identified and satisfied the needs that had sent me scrambling for lovers over and over. Now I find security in knowing myself, in constantly improving myself, and in helping others to succeed in life and love. Because I committed to being secure in myself, I'm a whole man.
I used to think a woman was the only way I could be happy. But after crashing and burning so many times, I realized I was wrecking my life with insecure relationships.
So, I took the plunge. I began a daily journaling and affirmation practice, and I committed to making the most of each day. I discovered the career of my dreams, and I focused so intently on developing as an individual that I forgot about looking for another person. I no longer needed that to feel whole.
I found my success, my happiness, and myself. You can, too.
Here's why going solo for a year is the best way to do that.
A year is a big commitment. In some sense, it's also a sacrifice. But in the grand scheme of things, you'll earn back dividends in happiness. Besides, if you can't commit to knowing and loving yourself better for one year, what makes you think you have what it takes to be commit to sharing the rest of your life with someone?
If you commit to positive affirmations, planning your day, and journaling, your singleness will become so valuable that you won't trade it for anything short of unconditional love. But until you have that security in yourself, you'll continue to fall for the wrong people. Just like I did.
So, focus on being your best self.
If you're ready, start today. And if you're not ready, get ready. This is your happiness we're talking about; this is your one and only life. So mark it on the calendar: one year of being single, starting today. One year of becoming the expert of you, of providing for your own needs, of fulfilling yourself, of overcoming your insecurities, of finding your calling. One year of living your life to the fullest.
Are you ready now? Good.